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During our dating days I remember talking about babies and how many kids we imagined having, but I don’t remember talking about how we would actually parent them. There were times when it was clear that we were not on the same parenting page and even a few where I wasn’t sure we were even in the same book! We learned quickly that the way we parent has deep roots in both our personalities and our life experiences. Many of the actions we take as parents are steeped in our own childhood. Sometimes we want to do things just the way our own parents did them and sometimes we want to do the opposite. Parents bring different ideas and opinions to the parenting equation, but might not realize how different their approaches are until they are knee-deep in a parenting conflict. Our vocation as parents is constantly evolving, so here are some ideas about growing as a prayerful, powerful parenting partnership.
Prayer
Pray with and for your spouse and your children. Ask God which gifts and abilities you need to incorporate into your parenting. Pray specifically that God will form you into exactly the parent he needs you to be for your children.
Patience
Our parenting grows and changes, as do our kids. We won’t have all the right answers and do all the right things. Great parents evolve when they communicate with each other about how to parent according to the needs of their children. It’s not about “winning” or being the favorite parent, it’s about working together and building on each other’s strengths for the benefit of the kids.
Scenario wisdom
If you realize you are coming from different perspectives with your parenting, talk about it. Honestly and lovingly talk about what’s working and what’s not, but do it in a time and place away from the kids and the heat of a conflict. Choose a parenting scenario such as: What if our son misses curfew? or What if our daughter takes something that doesn’t belong to her and then lies about it? and talk about how each of you would handle it. Ask the important questions such as, “What would you do and say?” “Why that approach?” “How do you think our child would respond?” And the really big question if your ideas differ: “What do you think would happen if we tried X instead of Y?” Scenario discussions give us perspective and understanding that lead to meaningful compromise to work for the good of our kids. Compromise has the power to create circumstances that are strong and beautiful, pulling from the best each parent has to offer.
Sheri Wohlfert is a Catholic wife, mom, grandma, speaker and writer. Catch her blog at www.joyfulwords.org.